Figuring It Out: Moving Beyond Fight, Flight, Fawn, and Freeze

By Michael Sgro, Leadership Coach, Syracuse NY

Every day, in boardrooms, classrooms, and family rooms, we encounter challenges that trigger something deep in our nervous systems: the fight, flight, fawn, or freeze response. These are ancient biological reactions designed to keep us safe in dangerous situations. But in the modern world—where the "threats" are often emotional, social, or professional—these survival instincts can get in the way of effective human problem solving.

Here’s a quick breakdown:

• Fight: We get aggressive, argumentative, or defensive.

• Flight: We avoid the issue or physically/mentally check out.

• Freeze: We become stuck, unable to act or make decisions.

• Fawn: We people-please to defuse tension, even if it means betraying our own needs.

  
  

These reactions aren’t wrong. They’re simply automatic. But they’re not leadership. They’re not growth. And they’re not solutions.

So, what is figuring it out?

Figuring it out is what happens after the instinct. It’s the conscious decision to pause, regulate your nervous system, and bring intention to your response. It’s curiosity over judgment. It’s choosing connection over control. It's practicing empathy—toward yourself and others.

In leadership and in life, emotional intelligence gives us the power to recognize when we’re reacting out of habit or fear, and instead choose clarity, collaboration, and courage.

Let’s keep doing the deeper work of responding, not reacting. Because that’s where real problem solving begins. Be the Dory in your work culture.

Rev. Michael D. Sgro, CPBC, PMP is a certified leadership and emotional intelligence coach based in Syracuse, NY. He helps individuals and teams move from instinctual reaction to intentional leadership.